here's your chance

I never use this. Maybe I should more often. I don’t remember if tumblr believes in posting on Facebook anymore, #don’tgiveafuck
I hate that I waste so much time wishing I had/was something I can’t (be). I don’t even know what it is I could possibly be waiting for. It’s like I’m just hoping my life will start somewhere, and everything I did in the past was all leading up to something. I guess I just want a plan. I want to already have a passion, a goal, something to motivate me to do something. Well. School in the fall anyways. At least I’ll be working towards something (still nothing?). Maybe I’ll be one of those people who ever end up doing anything, because they just can’t figure out what it Is that they love. (god knows I sure can’t make up my mind, even now) I’ll end up working some job that I’ll never enjoy, and the years of school will be for nothing. Is that what I want? Joy? (Or is it all just because I want to be in love?)
I don’t even know why I’m wasting time wondering. Always questioning things I don’t need to be questioning.
Although, the ultimate question is: Will you regret leaving me, once I really am long gone, and making something of myself? (Will you care then? Maybe I’ll be important enough when you can’t keep me anymore.)
I don’t know if I’m more afraid of having to tell you you’re too late, or waiting the rest of my life for you to care at all.

RABBLERABBLERABBLE.

my sleeping schedule’s fucked, so basically i’m doing everything in my power to annoy the shit out of people.

hurray for tumblr! whats next? twitter? random note? bed? lets hope the latter of the 3.

anyways.

bitchtits.

/mebeingafuckingretard.

Huh, haven’t been on here inna while. Cool.

yay! c:
i got my gaming lisence approved today, i go for orientation at 1, and i’m on the floor at 2!
yay, money! yay, blackjack! yay, brenda and colin for taking lauren! yay tanika and kaitlin’s birthday tonight! (: <3

this is what it must be like to be a parent.
i can’t get my 17 year old sister to do ANYTHING. so, therefore, i have to do everything myself. i provide food, water, and am expected to fund whatever food she desires, and clean. (by her, by no means my parents). i care for the dogs, and the general neatness of the house. sadly, i find it unfair to have to pick up everyone else’s clothes, dishes, groceries. worrying about where she is when she doesn’t give me the slightest clue to as where she is, nor does she have a cellphone. she leaves the house at 11 at night, just to “sit outside”, though, all i hear is her coming in, and all i can see is the time.
i have a new apprecaition for what my parents do.
so thank you, mother and father.
i don’t have the slightest idea to as how you do it.

hmm.
i’ve recently been asked a “theoretical” (:P)question, that if this said person made a pin-up girl website, much like suicide girls, etc. would i be a model.
(i’m being vague, because i’m not quite sure if i’m supposed to spill the beans about who asked me/is probably creating this :P c: )
i’m seriously thinking about it. i’m pretty sure i could do it.
but i’d probably die of embarrassment. ahh ha.
ugh. i know if i ever DID do a set, the first pictures would look horribly awkward, because i would be freaking out inside.
ahh, well. it seems interesting enough.
i hope this happens. :P
<3

pff. pin-up blackjack dealer. hahahah

i’m training to be a blackjack dealer, and i’m pretty stoked about it.
imma make lotsa monies. c:
thank god, things are finally looking up.
horray!
in other news,
i’m completely bored.

yayyy! i might be getting out of this rut, going to school this august. i’m DETERMINED to find a job this month, or early next month. horray! (: <3